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A fear of life and death

by bleeding heart

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1.
strawberry toothache feels like a heartbreak at the age of 16 do you know what i mean ? you find yourself looking at prozac pills you're used to hurting yourself for cheap thrills does it feel like a chore ? you always lock your door your brother he never sees you you walk and you talk and you squawk like a turkey at christmas strawberry toothache feels like a heartbreak at the age of 16 do you know what i mean ?
2.
lonely girl 04:50
i am the girl you force yourself to talk to all the time i know you're struck with grief and hate for yourself as much as me i'm needed for the toast i'm not needed by most i don't wanna do it so i run away across the hills oh dear i've got lost again i'm a troglodyte there's no need to fight i'm not sure ill see you in the morning i'm a lonely girl i'm a lonely girl i'm a lonely girl i'm a lonely girl godforsaken i want to get away from here somewhere far not somewhere near i'm needed for the toast i'm not needed by most i don't wanna do it so i run away across the hills oh dear i've got lost again i'm a troglodyte there's no need to fight i'm not sure ill see you in the morning i'm a lonely girl i'm a lonely girl i'm a lonely girl i'm a lonely girl godforsaken
3.
animosity 03:46
i swear that your mother hates you she doesn't want you here i know this by the look she gives you boy, i sure hope she loves your sister loves your brother unconditionally unlike you she forces herself to love you love you love you love you because she hates you but do you hate it when she says animosity peaks with you animosity peaks with you resentment, you're an antagonist that's what she says to you animosity peaks with you animosity peaks with you resentment, you're an antagonist that's what she says to you
4.
can't you see I'm busy dancing away the song thats in my head ill talk in riddles when you speak to me spending all day in bed this is the song the song for the melancholy girl and boys who think that they're better off in their beds smoking their lives away how do you dance to it ? that feeling of doom and gloom i start to dance to it feel myself start to bloom how do you dance to it ? that feeling of doom and gloom i start to dance to it feel myself start to bloom that feeling of doom and gloom feel myself start to bloom that feeling of doom and gloom feel myself start to bloom how do you dance to it?
5.
INTERLUDE
6.
I'm not here but try to notice me if you can I'm ethereal its hard to see me I'm see through like a window im not used to people speaking back to me no one says hello apart from you i am a ghost lonely girl im lonely too i want to be lonely with you help me ghost boy are you sure you want me around i'm a nuisance listen to my mother pick up your guitar please i wanna hear your tunes so play them lonely girl im lonely too i want to be lonely with you help me
7.
struck down 04:44
small kid in a big city you wanna feel at home small man in a rent house big guns take him downtown and i know now this isn't what you wanted and i know now i'm not fit for the city i want your hands around my neck you make me feel so sad i dance along the road i see the big car with the lights struck down in the road struck down big kid in a small town not used to green fields big man in a nice flat small knives take him uptown when he knows now this isn't what he wanted and he knows now he's not fit for this town i want your hands around my neck you make me feel so sad i dance along the road i see the big car with the lights struck down in the road struck down (repeat)
8.
INTERLUDE
9.
teary eyes imitate rainy days we walk along the beach i made it up in my head watching the birds fly over head dreaming of space and stars that die away empty cans blow by our feet i think you know now i think you know now i think you know now i think you know now what happens i think you know now what i am i think you know now why i cry i think you know now why we die i think you know now
10.
ghost boy 04:18
a young tree grows in the graveyard by dreary lane it takes its time to reach its height it wants to reach the emotional equivalent of watching paint dry in a little while you see him die in a little while you see him cry oh ghost boy i heard you cry last night you see another way of looking at death in a positive away down dark street and dark alley with looming trees tall men in dark suits like to think you aren't real it comforts them knowing you're just a lie a myth something to frighten their children their children oh ghost boy i saw you cry i saw you cry i saw you die in a little while you will cry in a little while you will die i don't wanna die again snap my finger once i'll watch you burn away i snap my finger twice three times four times for you death to be my heart my soul my life
11.
you're dead 05:18
are you feeling it all ? are you feeling at all ? are you failing it all ? are you failing at all ? you're so pessimistic you never go outside beating your brother is that all your care about ? i wanna be alive i guess i failed at that too are you feeling it all ? are you feeling at all ? are you failing it all ? are you failing at all ? you're dead
12.
INTERLUDE
13.
mirage 03:52
boys with toys and toys who are boys does it make you look left ? girls with men and men who are girls does it make you look right ? you are in my head again oh mirage mirage mirage looking up and seeing trees in the desert seeing water warmer water in my head being cold being frozen in my sleep seeing people many people fall away you are in my head again oh mirage mirage mirage palm trees gold trees little trees big tress it's all the same when you're dying in the desert call my name call my number call it twice or thrice i'll be ready waiting for you mirage you are in my head again oh mirage mirage mirage
14.
infinity and one why can't you try your best ? i can never explain my sadness to the one that makes me happiest its a common misconception that i love myself without self worth i am an empty shell of a crab infinity and one why can't you try your best infinity and one you never try your best I've never seen you hard at work infinity and one theres a girl outside who loves the boy inside on the outside he's a mess and he never tries his best oh no it seems a shame that you waste your time with me, i mean him plant a big tree we'll sing a sad song we'll say a few words but at the end of the day who cares? infinity and one why can't you try your best infinity and one you never try your best I've never seen you hard at work infinity and one

about

poorly composed and recorded on a laptop in a bedroom hence why it all sounds bad. i used a sample of sniper from dota 2 lol so thanks valve. the mixing is very rough i have no idea how to mix. it's my first full album and i put more effort than usual in so enjoy (hopefully))).

credits

released August 6, 2017

CREDIT TO JOE WILLIS WHO DID THE ART

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bleeding heart Colne, UK

robert nutter
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making music under bootlessbob now

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